Second Baby: Journey with a toddler

 Expecting a second baby was so much different than first one. I am not talking about differences in pregnancy physically - although it deserves a separate post but the emotional quotient of being pregnant with second baby.

When we got to know we are expecting second baby, we were very happy and excited. We could not wait to let Kyna know that she is going to be a big sister and then of course answer her curious questions like - where is the baby? How did baby get into Mumma's Tummy :). So we told Kyna as soon as we got to know which was 3 weeks 4 days and she was 3.5 years. As expected during that age group, they are always excited to share any big news or happenings with people around them so first thought she had was I will tell my daycare teachers. We told her to hold but honestly did not expect her to do so but she amazed us by not letting anyone know and she kept that secret for first trimester- AMAZING JOB for sure. 

With first time pregnant I was instantly attached to the baby(Kyna). This time it was all about Kyna until I held our baby boy in my arms. Even after coming back from hospital, I would ensure that I spend time with Kyna more than with the baby. I was literally only nursing him and handing him over to family for other baby chores. 

With a toddler at home, I did not get time to look for names or order nursery items needed for this baby this time. I had Kyna's name picked up by 5 months and this time it was in 9th month we decided the name. I felt how different emotions are in second pregnancy because my heart was already full of love for Kyna and I was not ready to share with anyone, so bond did not happen until then. 

I would honestly feel bad for not getting connected to new member coming up but I felt it might be the case with others as well. When you have one child already your life revolves around them and then bringing in another baby will be so different. You think about how these two kids will bond. You think about how your elder one should not feel neglected. 

So if you feel the same way with your second pregnancy, don't worry! It is Ok to feel this way. You will get emotionally connected at some point in your journey and you will be able to love both kiddos equally. 

PICA or Behavioral Disorder?

Does your toddler eat things other than food or beverage? Do you wonder if it is just a behavioral issue and not PICA related. 

What is PICA?

PICA is a disorder of eating anything that doesn't necessarily provides nutritive value. It can be paper, chalk, clips, hair, creams. PICA is mostly caused due to nutritional deficiencies mainly iron or zinc.

It is very obvious that babies and toddlers explore the world around them. The easiest way to explore is by holding and tasting. One day, out of no where Kyna ate paper towel and as an adult we all(we had her grandparents visiting us) reacted to take it out. Imagine how would a kid feel if they get 100% attention for a moment from 4 family members.

Kyna found this game very exciting and started to do it on regular basis. She would eat paper and show each one of us so that we react. As an adult, all of us had different methods to deal with the situation. In the beginning we would always run after her to take it out. As expected, sometimes it will be a success but sometimes it would encourage her to do this again as she gets to play. We reached a level where we had to hide all her paper books because she would eat those as well. We don't keep our toilet rolls at the designated place 😆 as that gives her easy access, we literally keep those away making things hard for us of course. 

Then we tried telling her this wasn't a good idea and it makes us feel sad. It worked for couple of days but wasn't a long term solution. Then each one of us did what ever we thought will help and is the best solution. I tried to ignore it so that she doesn't get excited and she understands that this is not a fun game. I feel it helped as she once ate it and I ignored, she told me she is going to her dad and grandfather to show and ran away- I just sat where I was making sure she doesn't get a reaction out of me. Slowly, I saw a little drop in the frequency of eating at least in front of me.

Honestly, it was the most difficult part to do to see her eating and not reacting. I was feeling restless, scared and stressed. Restless, because seeing her eating and not doing anything was making my mind and heart go crazy. Scared and Stressed, as as a grown up you know that it could cause choking and more problems. But I think that is what parenting teaches you, handling things your own way and always juggling between mind and heart to choose the best solution to your problems.

We did get her tested for iron and she wasn't anaemic so it was not a nutritional deficiency. It was all behavioral, and I still feel just because first time she got a reaction she made this a game. As a parent, you learn lessons every day and after this thing me and my husband would remind each other to not react if she does something new that she should not be doing. We just calmly tell her how that is not a good thing to do and what she should be doing instead. I think it is very important to tell kids what they can do instead of telling what not to do. 

Hitting & Biting

Does your toddler hits and tries to byte you every time you don't agree to his/her opinions or demands?

Sleep through the night(STTN)

I am a parent who did not sleep train my kid and she is now about 2.5 years and still doesn't STTN. Some nights are better than the other- where she only wakes up twice or thrice. YES!

Terrible Two's

 

When Kyna was about 18 months old, I had my friends talk about terrible twos. I always used to wonder why do they call it terrible two- but Oh Gosh!! now that she is 2.5 I totally get it. I see why is this age called terrible two, it's not the kid who is terrible it's the age.
Kyna would patiently repeat what she is trying to say at max 3 times and then there begins the frustration.  To handle the upcoming frustration, if me or my husband do not get what she is saying- we just get the other person's to help understand on her 2nd try because after 3rd one she is going to make it harder. Now that she is able to connect more words, we try to ask her what do we do with that word. Or if nothing works, distract her! After few minutes if she wants the same thing, she will have little more patience and be able to explain. 
They think they are amazing communicators and they have the best vocabulary and it frustrates them if you don't get it.

                                     

                            Unhappy because we asked her to have her dinner

Opinions & Tantrums
Before I had a kid, when in shopping malls I would see kids lying on the floor and parents standing by I used to feel bad for the kid. But now, I feel bad for both. I know what parent is going through and what kids feel. Both trying to help each other but unable to negotiate. What is the right thing to do when these little munchkins start to throw tantrums like these?Honestly, best thing to do is give them some space and they will understand this move isn't going to work. Parents emotions are way more aggravated than toddlers, for them it is just a ploy to get their demands fulfilled. For us parents, we are doing a terrible thing by letting our child cry. 
Even though best way will depend parent to parent, I will speak to what I have experienced and have seen it working. I would let her cry for couple of minutes and if she is still crying I would hold her and let her know she needs to ask gently and not by screaming or shouting. Most of the times she gets it in other few screams. First few times will be hard but then they understand what's working and what's not.
It does hurt to see them cry, but you are not doing anything wrong by letting them do so. In fact, you are making them understand that this behavior will not let them succeed instead if they calm down and ask gently they will achieve what they want or something closer. 
Sometimes, out of frustrations toddlers will try to hit. If they try that, do not hit back. Try to gently block their hands or get away so they don't reach you. If they are able to hit a person, try to console the person or repeat words like Are you ok? did you get hurt? This will make child understand something bad happened. You can also try to give timeouts but it is important to give affection and explain to child that they did wrong  and that is why they got a timeout.

Set your limits-
Toddlers of this age start to have their opinions and they are learning new things and skills everyday. They are going to test your limits each day. Do not give in. Set your limits and use repetitive words to explain how they cannot do it or get what they want and why. If you give in one time out of love, believe me you are making the journey tougher as next time will be a harder discussion. 

Ask Doctor:
I would always talk to Kyna's pediatrician about any concerns I have even though they are not always related to medical questions. If you feel it is going out of hands believe your instincts- that always help. After all they can provide you the best advice in terms of behavioral issues and they know what would hurt child's psychology in long term.

Sharing her happy picture as most of the time she is playful and cheerful :)